But this morning was indeed a strange start. I padded to my living room to check my cell phone, and there were messages from my ex-boyfriend. We broke up in 2009, talked to each other in 2010, friends on Facebook until 2012 until I deleted him because I started stalking his girlfriend. We talk on occasion and send friendly texts every once in awhile. The conversation- about me needing to be honest about my feelings with a guy that I have been talking to. This led to a serious of texts about me deserving love, and that I was the one who got away, etc, etc, etc. I tried to keep it light and real. Then I said something to him that I was shocked that came from my brain: that I know that I am loved, and that marriage isn't promised for everyone and I am ok with that. Love does not equate marriage.
It sounds a little cynical, but in all reality, I am beginning to love me. I could've stayed with him and where would my life be right now? I can only look forward. No regrets.
Getting back to my first day, it felt like anything new, exciting and wonderful. However with my past experience, today felt a bit wiser mixed in with excitement. I started to think about how I felt last time when I completed this journey, and stuck with it for a few months afterwards. That I didn't really fall off the deep end until much recently. That helped me stayed focus on the prep and getting my meals together.
Cooking is truly my happiness, and slow roasting a smuggled pork belly was a rich reward. Served on top of my butternut squash soup was a bit of just happiness. I had like three bowls because it was so good!!!! Home cooked meals are truly the most amazing thing.
Today I could've been distracted but instead it became about the renewed focus of loving the person I am to be.
Getting back to my first day, it felt like anything new, exciting and wonderful. However with my past experience, today felt a bit wiser mixed in with excitement. I started to think about how I felt last time when I completed this journey, and stuck with it for a few months afterwards. That I didn't really fall off the deep end until much recently. That helped me stayed focus on the prep and getting my meals together.
Cooking is truly my happiness, and slow roasting a smuggled pork belly was a rich reward. Served on top of my butternut squash soup was a bit of just happiness. I had like three bowls because it was so good!!!! Home cooked meals are truly the most amazing thing.
Today I could've been distracted but instead it became about the renewed focus of loving the person I am to be.
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